Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Magic Eight Ball: Nevermore Excerpt

Elizabeth Seckman tagged me for this meme earlier this month.




The idea of The Magic 8 Ball (I'll need a little more information) Meme is for you get answers to questions you have about your w.i.p. that needs more than a magic 8 ball answer. This meme gives you the chance to ask others about some aspect of your work in progress that you're neverous about or struggling about. I'm going to post the first paragraph to Nevermore, my Peter Pan meets zombies novella. It has a black Peter, a Lost Boys with a girl in it, a 'special' Tinker Bell and a cocky teen Captain Hook. How can things not go wrong with that combination?

Peter Pan shot another zombie in the head. The handgun a simple extension of his hand. The uncoming groans signalled it was time to regroup. He zig zagged through the streets barking orders at his scattered crew. Once his life was different. Born in Detroit, he was working class poor. His mother Ester Morris took care of them both. Murmured little protest when he dropped out of school at age twelve. Bought him a box of six frosted cupcakes for his fourteenth birhday with his name on them. He, his best friend Spike and a few other teens hung out and ate in the dingy corridor of the apartment complex. It was the last normal day of his life. Two years later he was still  living a different life. One in which his very life depended on killing zombies and finding safe places to hide. But his new group of friends helped shake the dreary monotony and reminded him both of what was and what is.

So my question is...What do you think? Hold nothing back I want your genuine opinion. I think it's pretty good but needs  more work editing wise. Since it's an incomplete first draft I'm sure that goes for a lot of budding and current authors.

Now to tag 8 people:

Jenny Morris

Alex J. Cavanaugh

Misha Gericke

Rachel Schieffelbein

Trisha

Lynn(e) Schmidt

Summer Ross

Stina Lindenblatt



3 comments:

  1. needs more white space
    new paragragh at "Once, his life was..."
    another at "Two years later," and get right to "his life depended on killing..."
    like the background info, very real.
    one last suggestion, show how the new friends break monotony, tho how much monotony can there be fighting zombies! ah!

    love this story!

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  2. I agree with Tara. And I would add...
    ~combine the first two sentences. Alone they seem choppy.
    ~I want to know more about the oncoming groans...are there more zombies coming?
    ~I like the descriptions of his mom. They tell us a lot. But slow it down a little. There is a lot of information in that one paragraph. Break it down into separate paragraphs for each idea (running from the zombies; his mom; his friends)...then you get the white space and a better fleshed out story.
    *Still loving the idea of a modern day Peter Pan, and zombies are always cool.

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